5 Nights
by AmayaSora
Summary: Four Times Remus Lupin Woke Up Alone, and One Time He Didn't. Sirius/Remus slash.


**Hello. I don't really know that this needs too much of an introduction… title and summary tell you what it is about. **

**My first try at Remus/Sirius, so let me know how I did!**

**-AmayaSora**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Remus or Sirius, or anything in JKR's wonderful Harry Potter Universe. I don't make any money off of this, either. Not even a penny. *le sigh***

**Four Times Remus Lupin Woke Up Alone, And One Time He Didn't**

_1965_

He woke with a start, jerking upright so fast that the movement gave him a headache. A twig had snapped; that's what woke him… wait, a _twig?_ He was outside… why was he outside? Mommy always told him to stay inside after dark. The five-year-old boy ran a hand through his light brown hair, but pulled it back immediately when he felt something sticky. Had he left shampoo in his hair, or laid in some chocolate? He gasped; that was _blood_. His blood… why was he bleeding? His brain didn't seem to want to work right, thoughts came sluggishly. Why couldn't he remember anything?

The sight of the blood made Remus Lupin aware that his headache wasn't due to sitting up, after all; it hurt all along the line of the cut currently oozing. His arms hurt, too, and were covered with scratches and bruises. His shirt sleeves were ripped to shreds, stained with mud and grass. But Mommy would be able to get it out, or Daddy would magically repair the fabric. Or maybe he could get a whole new shirt! He smiled, in spite of himself, but then stopped immediately because that hurt. He tenderly reached a hand up to his face, and thin tracks of blood came away; so he had cuts there, too.

Mommy and Daddy would be so angry with him for being outside. They'd always said he was too curious for his own good, always running off to investigate things. He'd had plenty of cuts, too, and Daddy was always so proud of him for not crying about them. Remus really missed his Daddy, and Mommy too. He made to stand up, to find his way back to the house, but gasped and burst into tears. His leg hurt worse than anything ever had in his life, a fierce pain that made everything else incomprehensible.

He sat there, wailing, clutching his leg desperately, screaming for Mommy or Daddy. Daddy surely could help him; Daddy had magic. He could pull out his wand and shoot yellow light or- a memory came rushing back to Remus, a pair of yellow eyes glowing in the moonlight. He'd been scared, tried to run away… and then the pain in his leg, only worse than it was now, much much worse. He'd remembered screaming and crying, but no one came. Remus didn't know why, but somehow the animal ran away, and he was left alone and screaming, screaming… and then he started _howling_, and then his memory went blank.

The little boy cried. He'd never been so scared in his life. He had no idea what had happened to him, why he was in so much pain, or where his parents were. "Mommy!" he yelled, tears streaming down his face. "Daddy! Mommy!" Over and over again, until he became too terrified and exhausted to scream any more. Tears still stained his cheeks when his Dad ran into the clearing, taking in the unconscious child, the horrendous injuries, and the little bear Remus clutched in his arms, the theft of which was the reason he'd left the house at all…

_1972_

Remus half-smiled as he awoke, warm in his Hogwarts sheets. Even as a second-year, he couldn't believe his luck at being able to attend. Dumbledore was truly the greatest headmaster Hogwarts had ever had. And, Remus remembered with a fresh wave of happiness, today was a new moon, and he felt as strong as he ever did. Yes, today was going to be a good day, he mused, wondering what type of prank his friends were currently planning.

The thought of James, Sirius, and Peter caused him to jump out of bed. His best friends… _the _best friends anyone could have. They were so nice to him, and Remus didn't know what he'd done to deserve it. He'd asked this out loud once, and Sirius had looked at him, head tilted to one side as if trying to puzzle out a mystery. "Everyone deserves friends, Remus. No matter what."

Secretly, Remus had always suspected that there were exceptions to this rule, and that certain things could certainly disqualify you from having friends. And that being a werewolf was definitely one of them. So he'd resolved never to let his friends know of his illness. By some miracle, he'd succeeded.

At this break in his musings, Remus noticed how unnaturally quiet it was in the dormitory. It was early in the morning on a weekend; his friends never got up before ten on weekends. But surely if they were asleep he'd hear Peter snoring, or James kicking around in the bed. But it was silent, and that was odd. He pulled the curtains back and, as he expected, was greeted by empty beds all around. Perhaps the others were planning to prank _him_, and today was the day they'd chosen to do it. It would certainly explain all their whispered conversations that stopped abruptly when he entered the room…

_Well, two can play at the stealth game_, he thought with a smirk. James would be impressed if he managed to avoid the prank, too, and it wasn't often he got to impress James. So, he silently padded to the door and creaked it open. Luckily, no one else was awake, so he could hear the voices of his friends wafting up the stairs.

"-really matter, anyway?" Sirius was saying.

"Of _course _it matters, Sirius! We can't go up and accuse him of that unless we're sure," James said, and the quality of his voice suggested he was pacing.

"Is- is it really a good idea to say anything at all? I mean, you don't know what he'll do-"

"He's our _friend, _Peter! How could you even suggest that he'd do anything to us?" James reprimanded.

Peter mumbled something Remus couldn't hear, and there was the sound of a chair being pushed back, and Sirius' incredulous voice . "That's the same prejudiced nonsense as my parents' pureblood mania! Just because he's a werewolf-"

"_Allegedly _a werewolf," corrected James.

Remus backed up from the door, breathing hard. _They knew. _It was only a matter of time before they'd figured it out, brilliant as they were, but Remus had thought for sure he'd have at least until the end of the year, since that chapter was at the back of the book. Of course, he should have realized Peter, at least, would read ahead, to try and keep up with Sirius and James… he'd been so stupid. Naive and stupid, to think that he could hide something as big as that from his friends. He sank back on his bed, head in his hands. All his happiness, his hopes for a normal life, vanished, leaving only bitterness and anger. He was so angry at himself, for becoming attached to the friendship he was enjoying now. He should have known it wouldn't last. Things never did.

_1980_

It was the middle of the night, one or two in the morning, judging by the position of the moon. It wasn't a full one, thankfully, but it was close, and as the lunar event approached Remus Lupin could never sleep well. For some reason he could never fathom, the few days before the full moon proper made his hearing extra sensitive, and he was awoken by the slightest noise. That, and the fear and worry that would begin to nag him, saying _what if this is the one where you hurt someone… kill someone… _Not conducive to sleep in the slightest.

Yet no one was sleeping soundly nowadays, not with Voldemort and his followers wreaking all sorts of havoc… hard times… hard times…. As his thoughts melded together, ready to be swept up in the emptiness of sleep, Remus rolled over, and his outflung arm hit the mattress. Confused, he opened his eyes, and sure enough, no sleeping Sirius greeted him. He strained his ears, but the only sounds to be heard were the ticking of the clock and the rustling of the curtains.

He turned over to see the curtains fluttering in the breeze, like some bizarre ghost. The window was open; that certainly hadn't been the case when they'd gone to bed. It was chilly, so he shivered, rubbing his bare arms. The cold woke his mind, though, and the gears in his brain slowly started turning. Sirius gone, the window open… he must have known that the creaking door would have alerted Remus, and so snuck out the window. But that didn't explain _why _he'd felt the need to sneak out in the first place.

It was another thing to add to the list of un-Sirius-like things Sirius had done in the past few weeks. He'd closed himself off from everybody, seemed cold and distant. Some days he barely looked at Remus… He'd disappear for long stretches of time, reappear without an explanation… Remus had been wondering if Sirius had been cheating on him. But no, no, not Sirius, Sirius would never do that to him.

_Spy… _a sinister voice in the back of his mind hissed at him. _Spies sneak around in the middle of the night… spies betray their friends and lovers… _And then Remus recalled the last Order meeting, Dumbledore's worn face: "It appears we have a spy in our midst… no leads to report… uncertain times, but we mustn't jump to conclusions…" A spy in the Order, Lily and James already terrified for their unborn child…

Remus sat bolt upright, eyes wide, breathing hard. It almost made sense, except that it was _Sirius _he was thinking of. Sirius, always so caring, loving, and the most loyal person he'd ever known… Loyal except to his family. They'd lost his loyalty somehow… who's to say the Order hadn't as well? But, no, this was Sirius, Remus would _know… _not Padfoot, Remus knew him better than he knew himself…

A gust of wind tore through the window, and Remus dashed over to close it. But the cold was already inside, and a different kind of cold was already gripping his heart: a chill born form suspicion and fear. Lupin settled himself at the desk beside the window, head in his hands, and prepared himself for a night of analyzing Sirius' every recent word or action… trying to make sense of things… Sirius had always made sense to him before… It was set to be a long night.

_1991_

Lupin yanked the covers over his head angrily and groaned. The harsh sunlight of midafternoon assaulted his eyes, even through the shades and the layers of blanket. He wouldn't be able to return to sleep again, no matter how badly he wanted to. He couldn't oversleep properly, even when he did it on purpose. James was a master at sleeping in; he could-

A lump rose in Lupin's throat. James… Lily… and little Harry, never knowing his parents or the magical world that was his birthright… Peter, who'd finally showed some of the famous Gryffindor bravery… and _Sirius. _Sirius, who was the reason everyone he cared about, his friends who were practically his family, was gone. And today… October 31… the anniversary of losing them all. Ten years… it'd really been ten years…

The prospect of today was even worse than the full moon, which was saying something. Although, his transformation _would _have gotten rid of his hangover. But that was on purpose, too, because if he was miserable about that it distracted him from the misery of the day… ten whole years' worth… all because of the man he'd trusted- they'd all trusted- and that Remus had loved… loved blindly, so he didn't voice his suspicions to Dumbledore or James or Moody, only Peter, poor Peter… he should have been a better judge of character, Remus reprimanded himself.

Sirius' character, for starters. All the tender caresses, the whispered words in his ear, it was all lies. Everything he thought Sirius was was a lie, an elaborate mask that'd fooled everybody. And Remus was the biggest fool of them all… and what was worse, Sirius wouldn't ever remember any of it. Nothing of James, or Lily, or Harry, or Remus or any of the times they'd spent together, the dementors would destroy that brilliant mind… ruin those good looks that made him breathless… _no, _Remus said with a snarl, wrenching the covers away. No, he wouldn't think about it. Sirius deserved it. All of it.

Bitter tears ran down Lupin's face as he wearily dragged himself out of bed. He couldn't even believe that whole-heartedly… couldn't even feel pleasure at a criminal's punishment… He had arrived in the sitting room of his empty house (hovel, really, he corrected himself remorselessly), without knowing how he'd gotten there. Perhaps his subconscious enjoyed torturing him, because he stared down at the picture of Lily, James, and Harry, all smiling up at him, frozen forever in an impossible scene of familial bliss. Remus wasn't strong enough to see Sirius' laughing eyes gazing up at him, too, so there was a tremendous rip in the photo, on James' left. A rip like the one in Remus' own heart.

_Happy Halloween, _he thought, toasting yet another glass of wine to the Potters.

_1995_

The soft sunlight coming through the window warmed Remus' back, and he awoke. But he didn't open his eyes, instead breathing deeply the scent around him, a heady musk. He smiled broadly, and may or may not have let out a soft "Mmmm," of pleasure (if Sirius said anything, he would surely deny doing any such thing, but Remus himself was positive he had.) at the familiar smell.

It was the morning after the full moon, but for once he wasn't achey. Sirius had bought him some Wolfsbane Potion for this month ("just because I can," Sirius said with a grin), a gift that was appreciated more than Remus could ever say. They had fallen asleep curled in front of the fire, dog and wolf, black hair and brown forming a circle of their own to counteract the one glowing in the sky. The last thing Remus remembered before falling asleep was Sirius resting his head on top of the wolf's, and licking his ear affectionately.

Remus smiled more broadly, and finally opened his eyes. At some point Sirius had changed back to his human form, but he was still curled against Remus protectively. Their hands were entwined, fingers laced together. They rested nearer to Sirius, as if he'd tried to pull Remus closer at some point during the night. Remus softly shifted even closer to his lover, and only then realized that they were still lying on the hardwood floor, which was really quite uncomfortable.

Yet Sirius, in his sleep, didn't seem to mind. His face, still gaunt from Azkaban, was nevertheless beautiful from the soft smile gracing it, the light blush on the aristocratic cheekbones. Remus leaned over to brush a strand of dark hair off of Sirius' cheek, and the other man's eyes opened instantly at his touch.

"Hi, Moony," he said sleepily, bringing his own hand up to cover Remus', which was still resting on his cheek.

"Good morning, Padfoot," Remus whispered, smiling. He shifted slightly again, and felt the hard floor dig into his side again. "I'm getting too old for this," he muttered.

"Speak for yourself," Sirius said idly, letting go of Remus's hand as he stretched luxuriously. It was then that Remus noticed that Sirius was lying on the hearth rug, not the bare floor. He rolled his eyes. Typical Sirius.

Remus made to sit up, but Sirius frowned. "Where do you think _you're _going?" he asked, and pulled Remus back down on top of him.

"Somewhere that won't break my back," he replied.

"Moony, you're no fun," Sirius pouted.

"That's not what you said Tuesday night," Remus said with a smirk.

Sirius' eyes sparkled. "Touche," he said. "But, that _was _my idea to begin with, so-"

"You don't have to win everything you know, Sirius," Remus said tiredly, raising his face to look at his lover's.

"I know," Sirius said softly, surprising the hell out of Remus, who had been expecting some childish comment. "I've won your heart, and what else would I need?"

And as they kissed, Remus couldn't help but feel that the heart in question was lighter than it had been in years.


End file.
